Because He's Stupid
by TheShrekinator
Summary: Thor ate some baby back ribs and becomes magically pregnant.


Thor was waltzing around Avengers Tower when Hawkeye said, "Thor, why are you dancing?" Thor said, "My friend, I hath had a joyous occasioneth for which to danceth." Hawkeye said, "You look like you're constipated." Thor said, "Thou shalt shutteth thy mouth, lest thy be useless! ARGH!" And he continued dancing. Hawkguy said, "Fuck you!" Thor said, "Fuck fuck youuuu!" And Hawkdude flew away. Iron Man said, "Okay, why are you dancing?" Thor said, "Man of Iron, I am very overjoyed!" Iron Man said, "About…?" Thor said, "I do believe that I be with child!" Iron Man said, "Oh! Jane's pregnant? Congrats."

Thor said, "NAYYY, MY FRIEND! I BE!" Iron Man said, "What." Thor grinned and continued his one man waltz. Iron Man said, "What drugs are you on?" Thor said, "The mere drug of living, aye, that I be on!" Iron Man said, "Oookay..." Thor said, "AYE!" And twirled away. Captain America said, "Why the hell are you asking him that, when he's fucking naked?" Iron Man said, "Watch your language! And Thor is pregnant, he can do what he wants." Captain America said, "What the damn? You fucking believe him?!" Iron Man said, "Language! And Thor's an alien, Cap, we don't know how it works with his kind." Captain America sighed angrily and stormed off.

Bruce Banner was working in his lab when Thor skipped in and twirled around. "Uhh, Thor, are you alright?" Thor was naked and he had the body of a god, literally. Thor said, "BANNERMAN, I HATH A MOST JOYOUST MESSAGE OF CELEBRATION!" Bruce said, "Why are you naked, Thor?" Thor said, "I BE WITH CHILD!" Thor roared a mighty manly roar and smiled. Bruce said, "Uh… O-Okay? Maybe you should sit down?" And Thor sat in a rolly chair and giggled like a cute Norse god. Bruce's heart rate rose and rose, and he became green and giant! He became the Hulk!

Thor said, "Hulk! My love, my sun and stars!" Hulk smiled and said, "Thor!" Thor said, "Hulking beast, I bring news! I hast be with thy child!" Hulk gasped. Hulk ran, and like the Kool-Aid Man, he broke through the wall and ran far away. Thor's eyes began to water. Iron Man said, "Thor it's okay, it's not you, it's him. Hulk destroys things, he smashes and crashes, and he runs away to get a level head." Thor cried and Iron Man hugged him. Captain America said, "What the hell?" Iron Man said, "Watch your language, old man, or you're grounded!"

Captain America said, "Fuck you!" Iron Man said, "Yeah, fuck me." Captain America said, "Wait, what." Iron Man said, "No homo." Caption America said, "Yes homo." And kissed Iron Man. Iron Man said, "Woah man, I'm a hetero sapien, not a homo sapien." Coral Aspirin said, "I'm a bi sapien." Thor said, "I'm a bi alien." Hawkeye said, "I'm Asexual." Captain Alien said, "No one fucking cares, Hotguy, damn." Iris Man said, "I care, and watch your language! There's a fetus or fetuses present!" Thor said, "AYE!" Iron Man said, "How many are there, and do you know the sex yet?"

Thor said, "I hath no knowledge on that, I got pregnant only last night." Iron Man said, "What? Last night? What do you mean?" Thor said, "I ate barbecued infant ribs with Hulk, that be how I be with child!" Iron Man stared at Thor. Iron Man said, "Thor…" Thor sniffled and said, "Aye?" Captain Amerita said, "You overgrown fucking muscle, you can't get pregnant from eating baby back ribs." Iron Man said, "Watch your language!" Thor said, "YES I CAN!" Iron Man said, "How?" Thor said, "I ate the roasted infant ribs with Hulk, when I gotteth an odd fluttery feeling in mine belly, and soon after, I experienced the illness of mornings! I do suppose that the infant ribs settled inside of me, and from the power of my love for Hulk, I became pregnant." Iron Man said, "You got food poisoning from some ribs and you think you're pregnant?"

Thor said, "Aye – wait, poison?!" And he screamed a not so manly scream and grasped at his 24 pack abs and said, "Will we die?!" Captain America said, "Thor, Thor, you dumbfuck, you didn't have a damn miscarriage, you're not pregnant, you never fucking were, you just ate some bad food. Calm down, son. Man up, are you American or American't?" Thor cried, "Why are you so mean to me?" Central America said, "Because you're the most fucking stupid goddamned dumbass god man alien that I've ever seen."

Iron Man said, "WATCH YOUR—" Capsule Abraham said, "SHUT the FUCK UP, TONY. I'M TIRED OF THIS. YOU KNOW WHAT, I HATE YOU!" And Creamy Arsenal stomped away. Thor laughed, "He is quite angry for such a puny weakling human, is he not?" Iron Man said, "Yep." Hawkeye said, "Wow." Thor said, "Why is he so angry? Did he eateth the biscuits of frowning for the morning meal?" And Thor laughed, ho ho ho! Hawkeye said, "What are you, Santa Claus?" Thor said, "No, I am Thor, ho ho ho!" Iron Man slapped Thor and said, "Don't call me a ho, fuckboii."

Thor said, "Ah ha, foul friend fiend, thou feeleth insulted, and yet, I hath not insulted thou yet!" Iron Man flippered off Thorn and Thor crossed his big meaty muscular arms. Thor said, "Thou be a fitta!" Iron Man said, "What?" But Thor said, "Jävla fitta helvete va!" Iron Man said, "Swedish? What a pussy language." Thor said, "Dummkopf! Arschloch!" Iron Man said, "Ooh, German, I'm so scared!" Thor said, "To Hel with thou!" And Thor ran away.

Hawkeye said, "So… Why is Thor naked?" Iron Man said, "Because he's stupid."


End file.
